"The Mothers Club"
The Jeffers family and their little miracles, Tyler and Jonathan; Spencerport, New York

Walking hand-in-hand through the hospital, we found the Fertility and Reproductive Center. My husband, always the gentleman, held open the glass doors for me. I could see the waiting room filled with people. Suddenly, terrified, I needed to sit down, and NOT in there.

Troy joined me on a nearby bench. “Are you all right?” As tears poured down my cheeks, I replied, “It just hit me—we really do have a problem—and allying ourselves with those anxious-looking people in that waiting room confirms my greatest fear—that we may never become parents.”

“Honey,” he said, holding my hand, “we’ve been looking forward to this appointment for a long time. We need help, that’s all.”

I was sobbing, “I thought becoming a mom was a given for anyone interested. I counsel pregnant teens at the high school, for Pete’s sake.”

“I know....”

“I am so unprepared for this. No one told me how difficult this was going to be!” My fear and sadness turned to resolve; I bravely entered the Center. There was no other choice.

I sat uncomfortable and irritated by the others; I thought of our last few years: robotic-like sex, basal temperatures, ovulation predictor kits, cycle counting, and those wretched monthly imagined pregnancies—only to be devastated time and again. My thoughts raced...adoption, life without children, would our marriage survive? It took all my energy to hide my pain. Do these silent people feel similarly? Then, roused, I heard my name called.

We left the Center with precise procedures: clomid and inseminations for a few months, numerous ultrasounds and blood workups. Soon I took to imagining pregnancies each month, talking and singing to the baby and rubbing my belly; then, devastated when I got my period, spasms of pain and loss tore through me—would I ever be called “mom"? My emotions ran out of control.

I nevertheless hung in there; what else could I do? The doctor next recommended Repronex coupled with insemination. It promised something new—hope of a fresh month started again.

When the prime day of the month arrived, apprehensiveness and inadequacy revisited my tired psyche. But, more forcefully, fear, a new emotion, overtook me as my husband held the threatening syringe over my belly. Why do WE need to do this? Daily shots in my abdomen for how many days? The repetitive stings of the blood tests were bad enough. Again I gave in. If I must be a pincushion to attain our goal, so be it.

Soon, I felt pregnant once again. Resting after work one afternoon, I fell asleep. The next few days, I felt unusually tired. Really, really tired. I told Troy, “The Repronex must be heavy-duty or I am carrying at least 7 embryos.” He laughed.

The day that my period was due, I had blood work done to determine if we needed to start the involved cycle once again. I anxiously awaited the phone call from the Center. At 3:58 p.m., the phone rang. The nurse stated, “Laurie, we have a positive result.” I needed a minute to digest that statement. What did we do? What does this mean? Oh my God!

We scheduled the next appointment and hung up. Immediately, I called Troy to deliver the incredible news. He, too, was in disbelief.

Never was there a happier pregnant mother-to-be—I walked on clouds, grinned from ear to ear morning to night. Nonstop nausea, constipation, backaches, who cared? When the early ultrasound found one heartbeat—uh, then another, Troy looked sick and I couldn’t stop laughing. “If you find more, CNN will be here,” he said, sounding a little scared. I think I continued laughing for 3 days; I suddenly felt like the luckiest person alive and had forgotten all about the long, complicated journey to this wondrous place.

My delivery was a cakewalk—my water broke in the hospital during a routine test, no pain, no C-section. How fortunate can a woman be? Then I was introduced to my precious angels, Tyler and Jonathan—the most perfect creatures in the universe. I made them a promise: “Oh…we are going to have sooo much fun!!!” And do we ever.

They are 15 months now. Mothers who said, “You will love your children more than can be imagined” and “Children are so much work” were right. Now I understand the “experienced ones’ ” mysterious grins and what they could not explain to me—the “Motherhood Club’s” secret: the intense elation and pride parents experience; the unimaginable joy children bring to your life. Thanks to miraculous Repronex and to the Center behind those glorious glass doors, I joined this club of mothers. When I speak to clueless moms-to-be, I now own that mysterious grin.