“A Modern Day Miracle: My Daughter, Reece Elizabeth”
The Crider family and their little miracle, Reece; Jacksonville, FL

“The problem with infertility is that I am mourning children that do not exist and I’m the only one who misses them.”

I once read this quote during my infertility journey and it seems to embody that unspecific sadness that myself and others like me carry around everyday. I keep it hidden in my heart so I will never forget what others feel as they pursue their own journey to parenthood. It is hard to know where to begin telling our story. Although it is well documented a million times over in my head, but such a personal and amazing journey which my husband and I have been on, is difficult to put into words. Infertility, is a powerful, heart wrenching, scary word, and if spoken aloud and thoughtlessly, can bring someone to tears in a matter of seconds. Am I an infertile? Yes. Did I ever imagine I would be one of “those women?” No. Am I thankful that I am now considered part of this elite group? Absolutely.

Our journey to parenthood has been a life-changing experience and one we will never take for granted. With the support of our family, my amazing doctor, a very special nurse, our increasing faith and new pharmaceuticals, we have experienced, in all regards, a modern day miracle.

In the fall of 2004, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Ella. She came following exactly 12 months of charting, temperature taking and perfectly timed intercourse. We were finally on the road to building our family. Little did we know, our journey had just begun. Convincing myself everything was fine regarding my fertility, especially after conceiving Ella on our own, we decided to try again for a second child. After experiencing months and months of disappointing negative pregnancy tests, I knew it was time to head to the doctor.

On November 9, 2006, my daughter’s second birthday, I received devastating news of two very large tumors attached to my ovaries that were possibly cancerous. My husband was deployed off the coast of Iraq at the time, and it felt as if our world was tumbling down. Numerous extensive doctor visits and second opinions later, I was referred to Dr. Kevin Winslow at the Florida Reproductive Institute. There was no cancer found, but Dr. Winslow discovered I had stage 4 endometriosis and severe damage to my abdomen and reproductive organs. We were so thankful that I did not have cancer, but at the same time realizing our life-long dream for more children was no longer a possibility. That is until we learned we did in fact have options. He explained that with new medical advances and specialized stimulating drugs such as Bravelle and Menopur we would have a chance of recovering a few healthy eggs. My husband and I embarked into unknown territory. At that point I became an advocate for my body as well as for my future children and learning all I could about my physical body system and in turn learning about my inner spirit and strength. After undergoing a laparoscopy to drain the endometrioma’s (endo tumors) we started our first IVF process. Excited, scared and anxious we shared our story freely with others, extended family, friends and even strangers. That was one mistake we decided not to make again. Not knowing how we were going to pay for this process, but not willing ta accept a hysterectomy, I started raising funds and made website and began selling my handmade necklaces. With the news of our exciting journey, our families and friends began selling the necklaces to pay for our awaiting miracle. Upon hearing of our adventure, my nurse shared our story with Dr. Winslow and in turn he provided his services without charge. This act of selflessness was more than we could comprehend; both then and now. We had been in a whirl-wind of emotion and were so optimistic, we just knew our first IVF would result in a child. We had already conceived before, right? Sadly, our pregnancy test was negative and we lost our embryos. We were completely devastated. It was so hard for us as a family, but to have everyone question and offer advice was almost unbearable. From that point on, we maintained a small support group that we were able to confide in. Looking back, we can see just how crucial it was to accept our loss and move forward. We had so much to live and be thankful for. I knew that we hadn’t been on such an amazing journey to end up sad and bitter. After losing the embryos and having time to grieve, I began to realize that I needed to take all of the energy that I had put into getting pregnant into something positive to help others, just like my healthcare team had taken care of my husband and I. I then enrolled into college, pursuing a nursing degree at night. Inspired by our IVF nurse, I hope to one day advocate for others in the same way she did for me.

After taking a short break, it was decided we could try one final IVF and if it failed, we would continue with a hysterectomy. This time, I first underwent abdominal surgery and had all of the endo removed, six weeks later we started our second and final IVF. This time, we were very private with each step of the process, more realistic of the odds and were more emotionally prepared for the unknown outcome. We surrounded ourselves with a small support group, focused on our daughter Ella, made long term plans of becoming a nurse and strengthened our marriage and faith.

It is with the utmost pride I write today, that I am just 7 months short of graduating nursing school, my daughter Ella is now a proud big sister as my daughter Reece Elizabeth was born May 23,2008; beautiful, healthy and absolutely our true modern day miracle.

If I knew then what I know now; I actually wouldn’t have changed a single moment. I have learned that you can’t compare your own fertility journey with others, you have to be an advocate for yourself, be informed about your body, have an intimate support group, follow the doctor’s orders explicitly and most of all be thankful for the opportunity to be part of something bigger than yourself. Am I thankful to be infertile? Absolutely.